Help for Abused and Battered Women in India
9 8 6 4 0 – 4 7 8 8 6
KEWAL NIRMAL KALSI SALUTARY TRUST18 East-lane, House No.5, Zoo-Road, Sundarpur, Dispur, Guwahati-781005 (Assam).
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, barely 50 percent of domestic violence cases are reported to the police. If you are in an abusive relationship, take these steps to get help.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTERS, SUPPORT, AND PROTECTION IN INDIA
Getting out of an abusive or violent relationship isn’t easy. Maybe you’re still hoping that things will alter. Maybe you’re afraid of what your partner is going to do if he discovers you’re attempting to leave. Whatever your reasons, you almost certainly feel trapped and helpless.
But even though leaving an abusive relationship can be frightening, the risks to remain are too great. The good news is that there are many resources available for abused and battered women, including hotlines you can demand advice; shelters where you can stay; even job training, legal services, and childcare. You deserve to live free from fear. You can make that happen by taking steps to protect yourself and trying for help. Don’t wait! Getting help for domestic violence or abuse in India
Where to Turn for Help
In an emergency:
Call 100 (Police) if you need immediate assistance or have been completely hurt.
For advice, support and safe place to stay in India:
Call the State Government appointed:
Service Providers or the Protection Officers
9 1-9 8 6 4 0 – 4 7 8 8 6
Why doesn’t she just leave?
It’s the question many individuals ask whenever they learn that the woman has been battered and abused. But if you have an abusive relationship, you know that it’s not too simple. Ending an important relationship is never easy. It’s even harder when you’ve been isolated from your family and friends, psychologically beaten down, financially controlled, and physically threatened. If you’re attempting to decide whether or not to stay or leave, you may well be feeling confused, uncertain, frightened, and torn. One moment, you could possibly desperately want to get away, and the next, you may want to hang on towards the relationship. Maybe you even blame yourself for that abuse or feel weak and embarrassed because you’ve stuck around regardless of it. Don’t be trapped by confusion, guilt, or self-blame. The only thing that matters can be your safety.
In case you are being abused, remember:
You aren’t to blame for being battered or mistreated.
You are not the explanation for your partner’s abusive behavior.
- You deserve to be addressed with respect.
- You deserve a safe and happy life.
- Your children deserve a safe and happy life.
- You are not alone. There are people waiting to help.
- Help for abused and battered women/ help for Domestic Violence in India: Making the decision to leave
While you face your decision to either end the abusive relationship or make an effort to save it, keep the following things as the primary goal:
If you’re hoping your abusive partner will change… The abuse will probably happen again. Abusers have deep emotional and psychological problems. While change is not impossible, it isn’t quick or easy. And change can only happen once your abuser takes full responsibility for his behavior, seeks professional treatment, and stops blaming you, his unhappy childhood, stress, work, his drinking, or his temper.
If you believe you can help your abuser… It’s only natural that you want to help your partner. You may think you’re the only person who understands him or that it’s your responsibility to mend his problems. But the truth is that by staying and accepting repeated abuse, you’re reinforcing and enabling the abusive behavior. As an alternative to helping your abuser, you’re perpetuating the problem.
In case your partner has promised to stop the abuse… When facing consequences, abusers often plead for an additional chance, beg for forgiveness, and promise to alter. They may even mean what they say in the moment, but their true goal is to remain in control and prevent you from leaving. But most of the time, they quickly come back to their abusive behavior once they’ve been forgiven and they’re will no longer worried that you’ll leave.
If your partner is in counseling or perhaps a program for batterers… Even if your spouse is in counseling, there is no guarantee that he’ll change. Many abusers who go through counseling continue to be violent, abusive, and controlling. Should your partner have stopped minimizing the situation or making excuses, that’s an excellent sign. Nevertheless, you still desire to make your final decision depending on who he could be now, not the man you hope he’ll almost certainly become.
If you’re concerned about what’s going to happen in the event you leave… You may well be scared of what your abusive partner will do, where you’ll go, or how you’ll support yourself or your children. But don’t let anxiety about the unknown help you stay in a dangerous, unhealthy situation.
Signs that your abuser just isn’t changing:
- He minimizes the abuse or denies how serious it truly was.
- He proceeds to blame others for his behavior.
- He claims that you’re the one who’s going to be abusive.
- He pressures you to go to couple’s counseling.
- He tells you that you owe him another chance.
- You will need to push him to stay in treatment.
- He says he can’t change if you can’t stay with him and support him.
- He tries to acquire sympathy from you, your children, or your family and friends.
- He expects something from you in exchange for getting help.
- He pressures you to definitely make decisions about the relationship.
Help for abused and battered women/ help for Domestic Violence in India: Safety planning
Whether or not you’re prepared to leave your abuser, there are things you can do to protect yourself. These safety tips could make the difference between being severely killed or injured and escaping with your life.
Prepare for emergencies
Know your abuser’s warning flags. Be on alert for signs and clues that your abuser is getting upset and may explode in anger or violence. Put together several believable reasons you can use to go out (both throughout the day and at night) in the event you sense trouble brewing.
Identify safe areas of your house. Know where to go in case your abuser attacks or a disagreement starts. Avoid small, enclosed spaces without exits (such as closets or bathrooms) or rooms with weapons (such as the actual kitchen). If possible, head for any room with a phone and a third party door or window.
Come up with a code word. Establish a word, phrase, or signal you can use to let your children, friends, neighbors, or co-workers know that you’re in danger and the police needs to be called.
Make a getaway plan
Be ready to go away with a moment’s notice. Keep the car fueled up and facing the driveway exit, with all the driver’s door unlocked. Hide an extra car key which you could get it quickly. Have emergency cash, clothing, and important phone numbers and documents stashed inside a safe place friend’s house, for instance).
Practice escaping quickly and safely. Rehearse your escape plan so you know exactly what to do if under attack out of your abuser. If you have children, have them practice the escape plan also.
Make and memorize a list of emergency contacts. Ask several trusted individuals if you possibly could contact them when you need a ride, a place to stay, or help contacting the police. Memorize the numbers of your emergency contacts, local shelter, and domestic violence hotline.
In The Event You Stay
If you decide at the moment to remain together with your abusive partner, there’s something you can try to generate your circumstances better and to protect yourself as well as your children.
Contact the Service Providers/Protection Officers enter in your neighborhood. They can provide emotional support, peer counseling, safe emergency housing, information, and other services as long as you’re in the relationship, in addition to if you decide to leave.
Build as strong a support system as the partner will allow. Whenever possible, get involved with people and activities at an office and encourage your children to take action.
Be kind to yourself! Create a positive technique of looking at yourself and speaking with yourself. Use affirmations to counter the negative comments you receive through the abuser. Allow yourself time for doing belongings you enjoy.
You might be afraid to go away or people for assistance away from fear that your particular partner will retaliate if he finds out. This is a legitimate concern. However, there are precautions you can take to stay safe and maintain your abuser from discovering what you’re doing. When seeking help for domestic violence and abuse, it’s crucial that you cover your tracks, particularly when you’re while using phone or the computer.
Phone safety for abused and battered women in India
When seeking help for domestic violence, call from the public pay phone or another phone beyond your house if at all possible. You can call 100 for Police-Help or the Protection-Officer or 9 8 6 4 0 4 7 8 8 6 for assistance of Service-Provider in Guwahati, Assam. So know the location where the closest one is in case of emergency.
Avoid cordless telephones. If you’re calling from your own home, make use of a corded phone if you have one, rather than a cordless phone or cell phone. A corded phone is more private, and fewer simple to tap.
Call collect or make use of a prepaid calling card. Understand that if you use your own home phone or telephone credit-based card, the phone numbers that you simply call will probably be listed in your local payment that may be sent to your home. Even if you’ve already left by the time the bill arrives, your abuser might be able to track you down through the telephone numbers you’ve called for help.
Look at your cellular phone settings. You will discover cell phone technologies your abuser are able to use to pay attention in on your calls or track your location. Your abuser is able to use your mobile phone as a tracking device whether it has GPS, is in “silent mode,” or is scheduled to “auto answer.” So consider turning it well when not in use or leaving it behind when fleeing your abuser.
Get your own mobile phone. Consider purchasing some sort of prepaid mobile phone or another cell phone that your particular abuser doesn’t be familiar with. Some domestic violence shelters offer free cell phones to battered women. Call your neighborhood hotline for more information.
Computer and Online safety for abused and battered women
Abusers often monitor their partner’s activities, including their computer use. While there are ways to delete your internet history, this can be a warning sign for your partner that you’re trying to hide something, so be extremely careful. Furthermore, it’s nearly impossible in order to some type of computer of most proof of the websites which you have visited, if you don’t know a lot about computers.
Make use of a safe computer. If you seek help online, you are safest if you are using a computer just outside of your home. Use a computer at work, a friend’s house, the library, your neighborhood community center, cyber-café, or perhaps a domestic violence shelter or agency.
Be cautious with email and instant messaging. Email and instant messaging usually are not the safest way to get help for domestic violence. Be especially careful when sending email, as the abuser may know how to access your bank account. You may want to consider setting up a new email account that your particular abuser doesn’t find out about.
Change your user names and passwords. Create new passwords for the email, internet banking, and other sensitive accounts. Even if you don’t think your abuser has your passwords, he may have guessed or used a spyware or keylogging program to get them. Choose passwords that your abuser can’t guess (avoid birthdays, nicknames, along with other personal information).
Protecting yourself from GPS surveillance and recording devices
Your abuser doesn’t need to be tech savvy site in order to surveillance technology to monitor your movements and listen in on your conversations. Be aware that your abuser could possibly be using hidden cameras, such as a “Nanny Cam,” or even a baby monitor to check on in on you. Global Positioning System (GPS) products are also cheap and simple to use. GPS devices can be hidden in your car, your purse, or other objects you carry with you. Your abuser may also make use of your car’s Global positioning system to determine where you’ve been.
If you discover any tracking or recording devices, leave them be until you’re prepared to leave. Although it could possibly be tempting to eliminate them or shut them off, this will alert your abuser that you’re on to him.
Help for abused and battered women/ help for Domestic Violence in India: Domestic violence shelters in India
Find a Shelter
Try to contact the SERVICE-PROVIDER OR THE PROTECTION OFFICER as soon as possible.
A domestic violence shelter or women’s shelter is a building or set of apartments where abused and battered women can go to seek refuge from their abusers. The location of the shelter is kept confidential in order to keep your abuser from finding you.
Domestic violence shelters generally have room for both mothers and their kids. The shelter will provide for all of your basic living needs, including food and childcare. The length of time you can stay at the shelter is limited, but most shelters will also help you find a perpetual home, job, and other stuff you need to start a new life. The shelter should also be able to refer you to definitely other services for abused and battered women in your community, including:
- Legal help
- Support groups
- Protecting your privacy at a domestic violence shelter
Should you go to a domestic violence shelter or women’s refuge, you do not have to give identifying information about yourself, regardless of whether asked. While shelters take many measures to safeguard the ladies they house, giving a false name may help keep your abuser from finding you, particularly if you live in the suburbs.
Help for abused and battered women/ help for Domestic Violence in India: Protecting yourself after you’ve left
Remaining safe out of your abuser is equally as important after you’ve left as before. To protect yourself, you might need to relocate so your former partner can’t find you. For those who have children, they might have to switch schools.
To keep your own location a secret:
- Get a new sim-card for your telephone.
- Use a mailbox box as opposed to your home address.
- Connect with your SERVICE-PROVIDER’s address confidentiality program, something that confidentially forwards your mail to your home.
- Cancel your old accounts and bank cards, particularly if you shared all of them with your abuser. When you open new accounts, be sure to use a different bank.
- If you’re remaining in the same area, alter your routine. Take a new approach to work, avoid places where your abuser could imagine to discover you, change any appointments he knows about, and find new places to shop and run errands. It’s also advisable to keep a mobile phone on you at all times and stay prepared to call 100 if you spot your former abuser.
You may want to consider obtaining a restraining order or protective order against your abusive partner. However, keep in mind that law enforcement can enforce a restraining order as long as someone violates it, after which it only when someone reports the violation. This means that you must be endangered for some reason for the police to step in.
If you are the victim of stalking or abuse, you should carefully research how restraining orders are enforced in your neighborhood. Determine whether the abuser will you need to be given a citation or if he will actually be taken to jail. If the police simply talk to the violator or provide a citation, your abuser may believe that law enforcement is going to do nothing and feel empowered to pursue you further. Or your abuser could become angry and retaliate.
Do not feel falsely secure having a restraining order!
You’re not necessarily safe for those who have a restraining order or protection order. The stalker or abuser may ignore it, as well as the police may do nothing at all to enforce it. To learn about restraining orders in your town, call 91-98640-47886 or get hold of your state’s Domestic Violence Service-Provider or Protection Officer.
Help for abused and battered women/ help for Domestic Violence in India: Taking steps to heal and move on
The scars of domestic violence and abuse run deep. The trauma of what you’ve experienced can remain with you long afterwards you’ve escaped the abusive situation. Counseling, therapy, and organizations for domestic abuse survivors can assist you process what you’ve been through and learn how to build new and healthy relationships.
After the trauma you’ve been through, you might be experiencing upsetting emotions, frightening memories, or a sense of constant danger that you simply can’t kick. Or you may go through numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. When bad unexpected things happen, it can take a while to get over the pain and feel safe again. But treatment and support from friends and family can speed your recovery from psychological and emotional trauma. Whether the traumatic event happened years ago or yesterday, you can heal and move ahead.
Building healthy new relationships
After getting away from an abusive situation, you may be eager to jump suitable new relationship last but not least get the intimacy and support you’ve been missing. But it’s wise to go slow. Take time to get to know yourself and to know how you got into your previous abusive relationship. Without taking the time to heal and learn from the experience, you’re at an increased risk of falling back into abuse.
FREE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HELPLINE
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LAWYERS
KEWAL NIRMAL KALSI SALUTARY TRUST
Appointed by the Government of Assam
18 East-lane Sundarpur, House No. 5, P.O.Dispur, Guwahati-781005, Assam, India.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE: 9 8 6 4 0 4 7 8 8 6